


helpless

by masochisticmasturbation



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/M, I Don't Even Know, Please like this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-05-15 17:32:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5793577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masochisticmasturbation/pseuds/masochisticmasturbation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Young Theodosia Burr comes to stay with the Hamiltons while her namesake withers away.</p>
<p>Years later, the young Hamilton who made a promise to protect her reunites with her at a ball and he is helpless.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. preface

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first time attempting this kind of thing. (It's my first time on ao3 in general, so I'm still figuring this all out.) This got stuck in my head and I needed to get it out. Bare with me through this please!

"Alexander, there you are!"

At the sound and gentle touch of his wife, Alexander noticeably calmed. "Eliza," he called her name sweetly as he wrapped an arm around his wife.

"You forgot your papers," she lied, watching her husband begin to get worked up. "Mr. Burr, good sir, it's been so long, how are the Theodosias?" Eliza made polite conversation, trying to distract both her husband and his...colleague from the brewing argument.

"As a matter of fact, my wife has taken ill," Aaron's permanent smile faded as he thought about his bed ridden wife and his daughter taking vigil over her mother.

Eliza frowned, "I'm not surprised what with the chill, you'll send her our regards?" She asked.

"I will," a genuine smile from Aaron this time.

"And how's your daughter?"

Aaron grinned widely, his love for his daughter showing as he showed his teeth, a rarity for him. "She's my pride and joy, fluent in French _and_  Latin --"

Eager at the similarities, an eleven year old Phillip grinned at Aaron. "So am I!"

Aaron again genuinely smiled at Phillip, not letting his own personal feelings towards his father affect him. He chuckled as Phillip tugged at his mother's gown. "She's the same age as your boy!"

"Yeah, one day he'll run Manhattan!" Alexander glared at Aaron as he was being held back gently by his wife.

"We must be going, sir, but send your girls our love." Eliza smiled as she put her hand around her son's back.

"Nice to meet your son," Aaron gave a small wave to a smiling Phillip.

"We're not done, Mr. Burr, sir!" Alexander called out while his wife tried to take him away.

"Hun," Eliza put a hand on her husband's head, gently shaking her head.

Aaron tried to refrain from laughing at Alexander. "If I were you, I'd stick with her, sir."


	2. one.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> these first few chapters will be a little back story establishing and then we'll get to the love plot. i hope.
> 
> ps. listening to "it's quiet uptown" while writing burr's thoughts about his wife missing out on his daughter life? yeah, not fun. the tears on my shirt will attest to that.

Eliza watched the three small children run around and play in the living room with an amused smile on her face. Her two eldest children pulling out books and pointing passages out to the small girl and the small girl doing the same with her own books. "Well, at least this proves that Hamiltons and Burrs can get along," she smiled, trying to cheer up the tall man next to her. She watched his slightly hunched over shoulders shake with his breaths. "She may stay as long as you need, Mr. Burr," she whispered.

"I -" Aaron cleared his throat when his voice cracked. "I have packed enough for her for about a week. That's how long the doctor said Theodo - she has left. I'll be back then for her," he nodded. "Theodosia's wishes. She didn't want our daughter seeing her die."

"Has she said goodbye to her mother?" Eliza asked gently.

Aaron nodded. "My wife seemly thinks that our daughter is oblivious to it all but Theo is so _smart_. Like her mother," he gave a small smile. "She puts on a happy face for her." He stared at his young daughter fervently.

"Which one?"

Aaron let out a dry chuckle. "Both."

"Mr. Burr," a soft but familiar voice came from the small hallway behind them. Alexander approached them, his glasses still on his face from working in his office. "I would like to offer my condolences but I feel like I shouldn't. Your wife will be fine. And your family shall be whole again." He gave him an encouraging smile and a soft pat on the back. "For the time, your beautiful daughter may stay here as long as you need her to."

"Thank you, Alexander, Mrs. Hamilton. I cannot express how much I appreciate this favor. Hopefully my wife's family will respond to the letter I've sent them --"

Eliza was gently shaking her head to disagree with Aaron but her husband, ever the proper conversationalist interrupted him.

"Nonsense, Theodosia may stay here until your wife gets better. However long that may be." Alex said firmly. "Miss Burr," he called out.

Young Theodosia with her beautiful olive skin and lavender dress made her way over to the three adults, smiling demurely as her father taught her. _Talk less,  smile more. Talk less,  smile more. Talk less, smile more,_ repeated in her head like a mantra. "Yes, Mr. Hamilton?" She asked in a polite tone.

Alexander leaned down to her level, as he always did with all children to show them he considered them equal. "How would you like to stay here until your mother returns to being well?"

Theodosia's smile flashed into a quick grin, her teeth showing before returning to the small smile the Burrs were known for. "I would like that very much, Mr. Hamilton." She nodded seriously as if making a life-changing decision in court, her curls bouncing as she did. "Angie and I like to ride horses; she and I haven't ridden one in so long. We have plans to do so very soon," she told the adults, nodding matter of factly as she did.

Aaron smiled, watching his daughter act like a young lady just as he taught her. _My god, Theodosia's going to miss this. She's going to miss Theo growing up and becoming a woman and getting married. What are we going to do without her?_ His smile dropped as the thoughts rushed into his mind. Images of his daughter in various ages flashed in his head all while his wife, the love of his life, will be gone. And miss out on it all. Just like everyone who has loved him in his family. He was broken from his thought by a tug on his suit from his daughter. He looked down and picked Theo, knowing she was much too big for that but he needed her comfort now. "Yes, my dove?"

"Tell Mommy that I love her. Tell her that she shouldn't worry, she'll be playing with Aaron Jr.," Theo smiled. "And sissy and with my other brother."

Aaron's eyes welled up with tears at the mention of the children that he and his wife have lost. Holding Theo tighter, he kissed the top of her head. "I will. I promise."

"Don't be sad, Daddy. I'll be here for you until the end of time," she smiled and kissed her father's forehead.

Eliza grabbed Alexander's hand, her heart tightening hearing the father and daughter. Her chest burned as she tried to keep the tears at bay. She sent a silent prayer up for her and her family's health and for the health of the Burrs.

"Mr. Burr?" A shy, young voice came from the doorway.

Aaron and the rest of the people in the slowly crowded hallway turned to look at Philip. "Mr. Hamilton?" He set down Theo, watching her walk over to the eldest Hamilton's side.

"Mr. Burr, I promise I will protect Theo and make sure nothing happens to her. I do it with Angie and my siblings and I will do it for Theo," he fervently promised, a nervous smile on his face. He looked at his feet as he shuffled them across the wooden floor.

Aaron let out a bellowing laugh. "I will certainly hold you up to that, Mr. Hamilton." He leaned down and gave Philip his hand for a handshake. "Make sure you keep her safe. She's all I have left, son." His other hand ran down his daughter's face.

Philip grabbed Theo's hand. "I promise," he nodded to Aaron. He smiled at Theo, "c'mon, Angie's gonna play piano." He ran into the room with her struggling to walk behind him.

"I am a lady! I won't be pulled along! That's what my daddy says!" Her small voice trailed off as she exited the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise the chapters will get longer! I just want to get all the sad stuff out of the way fast.


	3. two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry if it seemed rushed! i just wanted to get it out for you!

The children watched as Eliza shopped through the window, grabbing various foods and cloths for the house. In her bag were many parchment papers and quills and ink, all for her non-stop husband. They watched as she made polite conversation with the many people who stopped her. Once asked, she would point outside to the children, smiling.

Philip sat at the window ledge with a piece of parchment in his hand. He was working on a poem for the last few days, the subject kept secrets from inquiring minds. He bit his lip and tickled the quill underneath his chin as he brainstormed. He kicked his legs back and forth much to the amusement of the people passing by.

Theodosia was knitting a scarf for the upcoming winter season. The scarf was a nice neutral beige and had a nice thickness to it. She hummed slightly to herself, smiling politely at the people walking by.

Angie had parchment paper on her lap, music notes strung all across the paper. Her fingers tapped the paper, as if a piano were in front of her. Her eyes were closed and she had a large smile on her face as she heard the composition come together in her mind. The three children were a sight to see, all looking much older than their respective ages. Some people widened their eyes, knowing who each child was, finding it strange that Aaron Burr's daughter was sitting in between Alexander Hamilton's children.

A sound of a bell made the children's head pop up. "Come along, children. One more stop at the grocer and we'll be on our way home." Eliza walked out, her arms filled with parchment and quills and ink. "Thank you, son," she smiled as Philip grabbed most of the heavier things from his mother's hands.

"Ms. Hamilton, may I visit my mother and father after the grocer's? It's only up a few houses." Theodosia politely asked as she packed up her knitting needles and yarn in her small bag that she brought with her.

"Sure, Theo. I have some things to give for your parents anyways." She grabbed Angie's hand, Philip and Theo trailing behind her like ducklings. "We'll stop by your house before the grocer's. It's closer."

Reaching the Burr household, Theo took the lead, almost hopping in place as her excitement grew to see her mother. She ran straight to the door, not bothering to knock as it was her house as well, dropping her knitting equipment on the wooden floor. She called out a hello to Mary, the household cook as she lifted her skirts, rushing up the stairs. She left a smiling Eliza and company in the lobby. "Please help yourself to food or books!" She called out as an afterthought. Her grin grew larger at the excitement of seeing her parents. She gave a kind knock and let herself in. Her smile faltered as she saw the usually clean room, a mess. There were piles of clothes everywhere, papers, books, ink strung around here and there. The bedsheets rumpled. The chairs out from the desk. She grew a frown on her face as she saw her pale, frail mother sitting on the bed. Her father sitting next to her, holding her hand.

"My beautiful daughter," the elder Theodosia called out, her other hand reaching out.

Theo bit her lip shyly, not wanting to harm her mother. She walked slowly, being cautious.

"Don't be scared, Theo. Your mother won't break." Aaron gave her a sad smile.

Theo walked up to her mother's bed and climbed in, cuddling up next to her. "Hi Mommy," she whispered, suddenly reverting back to a small child rather than the eleven year old that she is. She inhaled her mother's scent deeply, wanting to bottle it up and keep it forever. "How are you feeling today?"

"I'm feeling a little better, my love. I have some strength back. I was able to eat some food today," the elder Theodosia gave her daughter a wide grin. "Mary made my favorite stew today. How are you, dear? How are you enjoying staying at the Hamilton's?"

Theo smiled. "I love it. Angie and I go horseback riding, Philip and I talk about books and study Latin. Mrs. Hamilton cooks very well and Mr. Hamilton helps us with our penmanship. I miss you, Mommy," she hugged her mother tighter but still minding her mother's stomach.

"I miss you too, darling." Theodosia held her daughter as tight as her strength would allow.

"Do you think the doctor can make you better?"

"Ohh, my dove," Theodosia rubbed her daughter's back. Theo had avoided asking about the doctors and her illness because she already had a sense of what was to come. But as the time grew closer to Theodosia's inevitable passing, the only Burr daughter to survive into adulthood asked more and more questions. "Do you remember how I told you about your two brothers and your sister Sally? How they were only meant to show us a lesson and to guide and protect us from up above?" At her young daughter's nod, she continued, "well I'll be joining them soon. We'll be reunited."

"I wanna go with you," Theo sniffled, a tear coming down her cheek.

"No, my love. You are to stay here with your father for as long as you both will live. You both will change the world and _blow us all away_. You will join me one day but it won't be until far far into time," Theodosia whispered, her eyes welling into tears at the thought of her daughter ever passing before her time. "I will be there with your siblings to help guide you and watch over you," she played with her daughter's curly hair, trying to calm her down. "And then, when it's time, not for a long time, you and your father will join us. Now, tell me all about your schooling and horses."

\---

"Thank you for stopping by, Eliza," Theodosia thanked her from her place in bed. "And thank you again for minding over Theo for us. She speaks so highly and honestly of you and your family."

"It's no worry, Theodosia. But I'm afraid Theo's become a Hamilton; talking out of place and feverently insisting on things," Eliza laughed, watching as Aaron let out a few chuckles.

"My worst fear come to life," Aaron told the women. "My daughter, a Hamilton." He laughed with them.

Theodosia laughed softly, slightly grimacing at the pain in her stomach. "Well if Philip has anything to do with it, she might be."

"What do you mean?" Aaron's smile faded.

"Oh honey, Philip wrote this wonderful poem for Theo and he read it to me. He had me write some things for the poem too. It was the sweetest thing," she smiled at the two parents in the room. Her eyes lit with joy as she heard the laughter of her daughter. "They compliment each other well."

Aaron smiled. "My dear Theodosia, I quite think that's enough," he sang, his blood pressure slowly rising at the thought of his daughter with Philip.

Eliza gave a small laugh. "Well we must be going, the children have a tutor coming early tomorrow." She stood up and gave Theodosia and Aaron a polite hug. "Theo, come see your mother off and my children also come see Mrs. Burr off," she chose her words carefully not wanting to say the phrase 'say goodbye to your mother' to the already fragile daughter.

The children ran in, Angie rushing up to the bed and giving Theodosia a hug. "Goodbye Mrs. Burr, I pray you get better," she gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you very much, Miss Hamilton. And I will pray for your health as well," Theodosia smiled, kissing Angie's hands.

Philip was up next. He leaned into Theodosia's ears and whispered, "don't worry, Mrs. Burr, I promise to protect your daughter for as long as I am here. And I promise to read her the poem at the time you said." Philip gave her a hug.

Theodosia grabbed Philip's face in her hands. "I have no doubt that you will keep your promise, young Philip. Thank you for taking care of my daughter. It is a big task but I know you are able to handle her." She smiled and gave him a kiss on the forehead. Seeing her daughter being him made the elder Theodosia alight as much as she could. "My dove, my light, come here." She pat the bed next to her.

"I love you, momma," Theo leaned her head on her mother's shoulder.

"I love you too, Theo. Listen to me, I want you to know that I will always always love you. No matter what. I want you to take care of your father and of yourself. Please don't let your father run ragged with work. Have him smile." Theodosia told her daughter. "Keep up with your studies, but remember to make time for some fun."

Theo, sensing what her mother was implying with her speech, sat up. "What am I to do in the future without you?" She bit her lip.

"Oh, my dove, I will always be around you. When you feel a warm breeze in the winter months and a cool breeze in the summer months, just know it is my hand upon your skin. You will be a fine young woman. A fine wife, mother, anything you choose to be. Just remember to be free and not immerse yourself too much into your work." Theodosia advised. "One last thing, my love. I want you to follow your heart," she laid a hand on her daughter's chest. "Whatever your heart tells you to do, do it. If I didn't listen to my heart, you wouldn't be here, and your father and I wouldn't be here. Even if it makes people angry, just follow your heart. It is always right." She kissed Theo's head. "I love you and I'm so so proud of you," her throat felt right as she tried to hold back tears. She hugged her daughter, both holding on for a long moment. "Now," she reluctantly let go of her daughter. "Off you go, you have class tomorrow."

"I love you, momma," Theo buried her face in her mother's neck, breathing in her scent one last time, her tears falling onto her mother.

"None of that," Theodosia chided her daughter. "I want to see your beautiful smile. Come now," she tickled her daughter, smiling at the sounds of her giggles. "Let me see your smiling face." She watched as her daughter faced her, a smile on the young girl's face. "This," she pulled a stray hair away from Theo's face. "This is how I am to remember you. Happy, smiling, beautiful."

Theo hugged her mother one last time. She stood up, gave her father a hug and went to stand alongside Philip. She grabbed her mother's robe that was laying across a chair to take with her so she can breath her scent in as she slept. "I love you."

"I love you too," Theodosia smiled as she saw Philip grab Theo's hand as an offering of support. She watched as the Hamiltons and Theo walked out of the room. Theo turned back around and gave her mother another smile and another whisper of "I love you".

It would be the last time she would see her daughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so fun fact that i found out, angie and theo actually did ride horses together! 
> 
> sad fact, theodosia sr and aaron lost three children. two boys were stillborn and one, a sister named sally survived until she was three. my heart goes out for burr because truly, everyone around him who loves him has died. :( 
> 
> again i'm sorry if it seems rushed! i wanted to get it out for you and honestly, it's kinda the way it flowed out for me. 
> 
> okay so we're almost done with like the first part. just a few more chapters of sad time and philtheo being children, then we'll start to pick it up. 
> 
> please let me know how you like this chapter! i love constructive criticism. just be nice! lol

**Author's Note:**

> So the preface is just from the Schuyler Defeated parts that got cut. But I always loved that Eliza asked about the Theos and Philip's little "so am I" and Aaron's "she's the same age as your boy!" so I decided to write a fic.


End file.
